Top 11 Reasons People Love “List Posts”

1. Because people love knowing exactly how many sentences they have to read, and eleven sentences really isn’t that many sentences when you think about it.

2. If it’s a top eleven list that must mean the author did a lot of research into the topic and didn’t just write things to try to get a lot a page views.

3. You clicked to read the post because “You wouldn’t believe what happens next” on the list!

4. Lists are normally accompanied by GIFs, and watching GIFs is easier than reading.

5. We love reading about stuff that we already know about so we can say, “Oh, that’s so true” because learning nothing new is fun.

6. Did I mention how awesome GIFs are?

7. We need lists so that we have something to post on Facebook.

8. This list post could really use some GIFs, just saying, if you want anyone else to read it.

9. We also need lists so we have something to post on Twitter.

10. Because Buzzfeed said we have to post their lists on Facebook and Twitter.

11. Buzzfeed.

The High School Musical Choreography Scene

High school students are seated at their respective lunch tables by social clique.  All of a sudden, the basketball superstar point guard Jason stands in the center of the cafeteria and starts spinning a basketball on his right index finger.  The cafeteria goes silent and all eyes are on him.  He then pops the basketball off his finger and punts it with his right foot across the cafeteria.  He starts doing the moonwalk toward the cheerleader table.  Everyone in the cafeteria stands up and breaks into synchronized choreography.  Well everyone except one student named Dan at a table in the back left corner of the cafeteria.  Jason spots Dan sitting at his table and then runs over to his backpack and takes a megaphone out.

– Hey, everyone let’s take 5.

All students stop dancing and re-take their seats at their respective clique tables.  Jason walks over to Dan.

– Hey Dan, what are you doing?

– Just eating my lunch Jason.

– You’re supposed to be dancing Dan.  Did you not get the choreo video last week to practice at home?

– I mean I did but…

– But, but, everyone is supposed to dance in sync at lunch.

– Can I please be left alone and eat my lunch Jason?

– Well can you go eat your lunch somewhere else?  It’ll be weird for all of us to be dancing, and you’re the only one eating.

– No, what will be weird is that everyone is dancing in unison on the cafeteria tables on a Thursday instead of eating lunch.

– It’s not weird.

– Yes it is.  We’ve been doing this every day since kindergarten and there’s no time to actually learn anything.

– You’re exaggerating.

– I’m in the 9th grade, and I don’t even know how to read.  Some of these kids don’t even know how to count to 10 yet.

– But they all know how to moon walk though.

Jason puts up his right fist for a pound.  Dan leaves Jason hanging sufficiently long enough in silence so that Jason retracts his fist and returns it to his side.

– The moon walk is not going to get us into college Jason.

– Are you always this stressed?

– No, but I am feeling more and more stressed recently.

– You know what’s good for stress?

– What?

– Dancing.

– Seriously?

– Come on just do the “Let’s Beat Our Rivals at Homecoming” dance.  If you don’t feel any better then go try to learn to read or whatever you do now.

– Alright, I’ll dance, but you have to answer one question.  What does 4 plus 2 equal?

– Easy. 42.  Now let’s dance!

Jason turns and starts running towards the center of the cafeteria with the megaphone held high above his head.

– I have to get out of this school district.

Conversation Between a Tape Cassette and a Vinyl Record

– What is so great about being a vinyl record that makes people want to listen to you still?”

– I guess it’s because I’m vintage.

– Vintage?

– Yeah, it’s like an old thing that is appreciated for its quality and character.

– That describes the tape cassette!  I’m vintage!

– No, you’re not.

– What am I then?

– You’re obsolete.

–  I’m obsolete?

– Hey, hey, hey, there, there.  You know I was once obsolete?

– You were?

– I was.

– Well how did you become vintage?

– Hipsters.

– Hipsters?

– They’re people who think old stuff is cool and fashionable.

– What do they think about new stuff?

– They think it’s too mainstream.

– What about vinyl records do hipsters like?

– The vinyl.  The record player.  The needle drop.  The spinning.  The album covers.  The…

– Alright, I get it.  Be honest, is there a chance hipsters might like me?

– Completely honest?

– Yeah.

– You’re like lead paint, man.  Or asbestos.  Like if they find it, they have to get rid of it.

– That all?

– You don’t look cool.  You’re plastic.  You take forever to rewind. You…

– Can stop now.

– Sometimes you just get on a roll and…

– I get it.  This is all the compact disc’s fault.

– If it makes you feel any better, I’m pretty sure the compact disc is never going to be vintage either.

– That’s comforting at least.

My Pleasure: A Conversation at Chic-Fil-A

If you have ever been to Chic-fil-A, you are familiar with an employee’s response to a customer saying, “Thank you.”  Chic-fil-A’s branding with the phrase “My pleasure” catapults it to having by default the most polite employees. But what would it be like for an employee to encounter an even more polite customer?

_______________________________________________________

An employee sits down a tray with a chicken sandwich and waffle fries.

“Will that be all?”

“Yes.”

“Well, here is your sandwich and waffle fries ma’am.”

“Thank you.”

“My pleasure.”

“No, it’s my honor.”

“It’s my duty.”

“No, it’s my privilege.”

“It’s my calling.”

“It’s my delight.”

“It’s my job. I hate my job.”