Leave the Premises Now!

A burglar breaks through a window pane with a hammer, undoes the latch, raises the window, and enters the home.  A home alarm system starts going off.

Intercom: Leave the premises now!

Burglar: No.

Intercom: Huh?

Burglar: Why the “huh?”

Intercom: People normally leave when I say, “Leave the premises now.”

Burglar: Really?

Intercom: Yeah because it’s implied that the police are on their way.

Burglar: How soon will they be here?

Intercom: 10 or 15 minutes.

Burglar: Alright, that’s what I figured  We’ll see what I can steal first.

Intercom: But, I said “Leave the premises now.”

Burglar: That doesn’t work.  You’re just a voice coming through a speaker.  You have no way of actually making me leave.


Burglar: Yelling isn’t going to change things.  And why do you say “premises?”  This is a house.  Honestly, who refers to their home as ” the premises?”

Intercom: It’s a prompt.  I just read it.

Burglar: Come to daddy!

Intercom: What is it?

Burglar: I found a pretty loaded jewelry box, so I’m about to head out.  If it you would make you feel any better, you can say your line as I walk out.  I’ll let you know when I’m at the door.

Intercom: That would be nice.

Burglar: At the door.

Intercom: Leave the premises now!


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