I don’t think there is anything as blatant for the mismanagement of your household as running out of milk. You go to bed at night thinking you are running a tight ship. In the morning, someone needs to be held accountable. Someone needs to take the fall. At a minimum, there needs to be some kind of press conference and investigation. People want an apology. People want answers.
The Investigation
“We can always do this later.”
The detective lends his hand to the woman.
“I came downstairs like I do every morning…”
“Go on.”
“I went to the pantry and pulled out a box of Cheerios like I do every morning…”
“If this is too soon…”
“I had my cereal poured in the bowl. I had a spoon set on the counter. I opened the fridge…”
“Then?”
“I don’t remember anything after that.”
“Anything?”
“Well, I remember being told that I was found on my kitchen floor by first responders. That there was dry cereal all around my body.”
“Do you have any idea of how the cereal got there?”
“Apparently, I had tried to pour the cereal back into the Cheerios bag.”
“Oh my.”
“Detective, I wasn’t myself.”
The woman starts crying softly.
“You can’t blame yourself for what happened.”
“You don’t understand all that I have been through.”
“Help me understand.”
“You won’t be able to look at me the same way if you knew everything.”
“I promise nothing will change.”
“The first responders said I almost didn’t make it…”
“Because?”
“They said I had tried to actually…eat…dry cereal.”
The detective offers both of his hands to the woman.
“Someone will pay for this.”
The Goodest of Times 
At least you didn’t sink to the very deepest level…dried milk! My mom used to make that when we ran out. Warm. Dry. Milk. Horrifying!
Dried milk?! That would change the investigation from misdemeanor to felony!
Better dry cereal than milk made from powder and water… No matter how much you stir it, it goes frothy-ish and then stays a bit clumpy. Really enjoyed this.
I’ve learned a lot from the comments about dry powder milk and I guess it is worse than no milk? The clumpy part sounds the worst.
The clumpy is bad… I’ve found that not having milk in hot drinks isn’t a bad thing really. Guess it’s just a matter of preference.
There is no worse offense in my household than running out of milk. Thank you for bringing this terrible problem to light. Great read!
Maybe I’ll make this into a PSA or real Got Milk commercial? This problem needs to end!
This was hilarious! As a mom I can truly relate to this. I loved the dramaticized humor to it all. Great work.
Thanks! I love how much everyone connects with this story! Being a mom must make it even more high stakes to always have milk around! Enjoyed checking out some of your recipes!
Oh yes! Milk, bread, eggs and butter are key staples to a smooth life as a mom! Thank you!
So funny! Saw your post in the community pool.
You know… cheerios fast great with orange juice…
*taste great
Haha it’s quite possible to be so tired in the morning for that to happen…even when there is milk in the fridge!
Once, out of a similar desperation I ate Cheerios with…orange juice. Now I take the time to make oatmeal.
You are wise beyond your years. Oatmeal is the perfect solution!
This is hilarious. I have been guilty of this offense (on more than one occasion…) and always berate myself while trying to figure out my alternative breakfast plan!
Thanks! Having an auxiliary plan is key!
Dry cereal & dry humor—an powerful combination. Quick relief from excess humidity.
Haha thanks! Dry cereal and dry humor is a perfect tagline!
beautifully written exchange, so deadpan and so succinct! i’m curious as to who says the last line. . .
thanks, by the way, for liking my most recent post.