Got Milk? We Actually Don’t Right Now.

I don’t think there is anything as blatant for the mismanagement of your household as running out of milk.  You go to bed at night thinking you are running a tight ship.  In the morning, someone needs to be held accountable.  Someone needs to take the fall.  At a minimum, there needs to be some kind of press conference and investigation.  People want an apology.  People want answers.

The Investigation

“We can always do this later.”

The detective lends his hand to the woman.

“I came downstairs like I do every morning…”

“Go on.”

“I went to the pantry and pulled out a box of Cheerios like I do every morning…”

“If this is too soon…”

“I had my cereal poured in the bowl.  I had a spoon set on the counter.  I opened the fridge…”


“I don’t remember anything after that.”


“Well, I remember being told that I was found on my kitchen floor by first responders.  That there was dry cereal all around my body.”

“Do you have any idea of how the cereal got there?”

“Apparently, I had tried to pour the cereal back into the Cheerios bag.”

“Oh my.”

“Detective, I wasn’t myself.”

The woman starts crying softly.

“You can’t blame yourself for what happened.”

“You don’t understand all that I have been through.”

“Help me understand.”

“You won’t be able to look at me the same way if you knew everything.”

“I promise nothing will change.”

“The first responders said I almost didn’t make it…”


“They said I had tried to actually…eat…dry cereal.”

The detective offers both of his hands to the woman.

“Someone will pay for this.”


20 thoughts on “Got Milk? We Actually Don’t Right Now.

  1. There is no worse offense in my household than running out of milk. Thank you for bringing this terrible problem to light. Great read!

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