I’ve studied for weeks leading up to this moment. I’ve passed all of my observed driving sessions. Now, all that stands between me and getting hired as a city bus driver is a few multiple choice questions about the “yellow line” at the entrance of the bus.
City Bus Driver Exam
62. Are passengers allowed to stand in front of the yellow line?
C. Depends on if the passenger is your friend
D. Only if you draw a new yellow line with chalk in front of the old yellow line
If you answered B, please proceed to question 63.
If you answered A, C, or D, please place your written examination in the nearest trash receptacle for grading and collect your belongings before exiting.
63. What is a passenger remaining in front of the yellow line while the bus is in motion called?
A. A person
B. First down
C. Invasion of your personal space
D. Illegal according to federal transit laws
If you answered D, please proceed to question 64.
If you answered A, B, or C, please light your test on fire with the strike anywhere matches provided to you and then place in the steel can at the back of the testing room for grading.
64. How do you address a passenger in front of the yellow line?
A. Passive-aggressively, accompanied by exaggerated eye-roll, “You’re really going to stand in front of the yellow line?”
B. Assertively, one notch below excessive yelling volume, “You need to stand behind the yellow line.”
C. Respectfully, appropriate volume, “Please stand behind the yellow line.”
D. Yelling as loud as possible to maximize passenger’s embarrassment and shame. Ad lib what to say based on how bad of a day you are having.
If you answered A or D, please turn your exam into the nearest proctor for grading. You will be contacted within one week with a decision for hiring.
If you answered B or C, you have the required content knowledge and are most likely a nice person worth getting to know, but you do not possess the necessary attitude to survive as a city bus driver. You may dispose of your exam by using any of the materials provided to you at the beginning of the examination (paper shredder, high power laser, battery acid, etc.)
End of Exam
This was one of the hardest exams I’ve taken, mainly because of distractions. People were destroying their exams throughout the entire test. I saw one person wrap his test around a bottle rocket, which he held in place with a rubber band. Then he used a strike anywhere match to light it and fire it out of one of the windows. Two other people did the exact same thing ten minutes later. Crazy. At least I’m supposed to hear back in a week about getting hired.