The High School Musical Choreography Scene

High school students are seated at their respective lunch tables by social clique.  All of a sudden, the basketball superstar point guard Jason stands in the center of the cafeteria and starts spinning a basketball on his right index finger.  The cafeteria goes silent and all eyes are on him.  He then pops the basketball off his finger and punts it with his right foot across the cafeteria.  He starts doing the moonwalk toward the cheerleader table.  Everyone in the cafeteria stands up and breaks into synchronized choreography.  Well everyone except one student named Dan at a table in the back left corner of the cafeteria.  Jason spots Dan sitting at his table and then runs over to his backpack and takes a megaphone out.

- Hey, everyone let’s take 5.

All students stop dancing and re-take their seats at their respective clique tables.  Jason walks over to Dan.

- Hey Dan, what are you doing?

- Just eating my lunch Jason.

- You’re supposed to be dancing Dan.  Did you not get the choreo video last week to practice at home?

- I mean I did but…

- But, but, everyone is supposed to dance in sync at lunch.

- Can I please be left alone and eat my lunch Jason?

- Well can you go eat your lunch somewhere else?  It’ll be weird for all of us to be dancing, and you’re the only one eating.

- No, what will be weird is that everyone is dancing in unison on the cafeteria tables on a Thursday instead of eating lunch.

- It’s not weird.

- Yes it is.  We’ve been doing this every day since kindergarten and there’s no time to actually learn anything.

- You’re exaggerating.

- I’m in the 9th grade, and I don’t even know how to read.  Some of these kids don’t even know how to count to 10 yet.

- But they all know how to moon walk though.

Jason puts up his right fist for a pound.  Dan leaves Jason hanging sufficiently long enough in silence so that Jason retracts his fist and returns it to his side.

- The moon walk is not going to get us into college Jason.

- Are you always this stressed?

- No, but I am feeling more and more stressed recently.

- You know what’s good for stress?

- What?

- Dancing.

- Seriously?

- Come on just do the “Let’s Beat Our Rivals at Homecoming” dance.  If you don’t feel any better then go try to learn to read or whatever you do now.

- Alright, I’ll dance, but you have to answer one question.  What does 4 plus 2 equal?

- Easy. 42.  Now let’s dance!

Jason turns and starts running towards the center of the cafeteria with the megaphone held high above his head.

- I have to get out of this school district.

Conversation Between a Tape Cassette and a Vinyl Record

- What is so great about being a vinyl record that makes people want to listen to you still?”

- I guess it’s because I’m vintage.

- Vintage?

- Yeah, it’s like an old thing that is appreciated for its quality and character.

- That describes the tape cassette!  I’m vintage!

- No, you’re not.

- What am I then?

- You’re obsolete.

-  I’m obsolete?

- Hey, hey, hey, there, there.  You know I was once obsolete?

- You were?

- I was.

- Well how did you become vintage?

- Hipsters.

- Hipsters?

- They’re people who think old stuff is cool and fashionable.

- What do they think about new stuff?

- They think it’s too mainstream.

- What about vinyl records do hipsters like?

- The vinyl.  The record player.  The needle drop.  The spinning.  The album covers.  The…

- Alright, I get it.  Be honest, is there a chance hipsters might like me?

- Completely honest?

- Yeah.

- You’re like lead paint, man.  Or asbestos.  Like if they find it, they have to get rid of it.

- That all?

- You don’t look cool.  You’re plastic.  You take forever to rewind. You…

- Can stop now.

- Sometimes you just get on a roll and…

- I get it.  This is all the compact disc’s fault.

- If it makes you feel any better, I’m pretty sure the compact disc is never going to be vintage either.

- That’s comforting at least.

My Pleasure: A Conversation at Chic-Fil-A

If you have ever been to Chic-fil-A, you are familiar with an employee’s response to a customer saying, “Thank you.”  Chic-fil-A’s branding with the phrase “My pleasure” catapults it to having by default the most polite employees. But what would it be like for an employee to encounter an even more polite customer?


An employee sits down a tray with a chicken sandwich and waffle fries.

“Will that be all?”


“Well, here is your sandwich and waffle fries ma’am.”

“Thank you.”

“My pleasure.”

“No, it’s my honor.”

“It’s my duty.”

“No, it’s my privilege.”

“It’s my calling.”

“It’s my delight.”

“It’s my job. I hate my job.”

The Origins of Social Media

The Origins of Social Media

Yesterday, I got 3 bloody palms on my wall. I was so happy. Most people would be lucky to get one bloody palm, let alone 3. Because my wall painting was so popular, my number of followers doubled. I now have two people who follow me everywhere I go. One’s name is Orf. The other’s name is Deg. Deg is my new follower.

Now I know what you are thinking, what was my painting and where can you see it? My wall is in one of the prime locations in the village. It’s on the East side of the cave halfway between the village and Gronk river. So everyone passes by whenever they need to get water out of thirst, which is many times a day.  We actually spend most of our day just getting water and drinking it.  The only problem with the cave is that it kind of has a bear problem. I would have three followers now, but Flerg was eaten by a bear. That was sad. He would have given me a bloody palm for my newest painting too.

Yesterday, when I was getting water from the Gronk, the idea came to me. You know how whenever you look at the water, you see your reflection? Well not everyone knows that. Some people still believe there’s a person drowning in the water. Anyways, I had this idea that wouldn’t it be cool to see what you look like even when you are not looking into the Gronk? So, I grabbed a handful of scrib berries and smashed them in my hands. Then I took the juice and rubbed it all over my face. I got a little in one of my eye holes. It burned so bad. So I quick told my follower Orf to run to the village commons and make a declaration for me.

In the village commons, there are 23 tree stumps. One stump for each person in the village. My stump is about two squirrel tails high and has my name “Mep” carved into it. You or a follower can stand on your stump and yell as loud as possible four words. Orf yelled out for me, “Scrib juice hurts eyes!” We call this “Stumper.”

While Orf was out stumping, I put even more juice on my face. I was careful to avoid getting more in my eye holes. Then I pressed my face on my wall as hard as I could for the amount of time it would take a person to swim across the Gronk and back 2 times. I know crazy right?

Orf returned to the cave when I had my face pressed against my wall. I asked him how the stumping went in the village. He told me that I got 2 notches and 1 re-stump. I was so excited to be re-stumped. Re-stumping is when someone takes their stump and puts it on top of your stump. Then the person stands on the stump tower and yells out your declaration again. Whatever notches the re-stump gets are split 50-50 between the original stumper and the re-stumper. The most re-stumped declaration ever was by Vojl. I think it was 7 stumps high. It would have been more, but the eighth re-stumper fell while climbing and everyone got scared. That’s why my stump is only two squirrel tail lengths tall. It’s a village rule. I wish I remembered what the declaration was. I want to say it was something like “Rub sticks, make fire.”

Orf asked me what I was doing with my face against my wall. I told him I was working on a painting. He thought it was weird that I wasn’t using my hands. I explained to him about reflections in the Gronk.  He didn’t understand because he is one of those people who still believes a person is drowning in the water.

Enough time had passed so I slowly moved my face away from the wall. I couldn’t open my eyes immediately because some scrib juice had stuck my eye covers down. Orf started shouting that it was brilliant. I could hear him picking something up. Then I heard him wincing a little bit. I knew that meant he had picked up my wall stone. Each wall has a super sharp stone in front of it. If a person likes your painting, he uses the stone to cut and bloody his palm. It means a great deal to get a bloody palm because there’s a lot of sacrifice that comes along with giving out one. First, it hurts 100 times more than scrib juice in your eye holes. Second, you can’t use your hand for at least 17 days. Third, sometimes it gets infected, and you die.

I finally got my eyes open and saw my painting. The scrib juice on the wall didn’t look exactly like my reflection in the Gronk, but it was a decent outline. Orf said he thought it was more than just a decent outline. He said that I was definitely going to get another bloody palm. I made him promise not to use his other palm. He reluctantly agreed. He asked me what I would call my painting. I told him I would go to the village commons to announce the name.

I walked with Orf right behind me and arrived at my stump. There I saw Uwug and told him that I appreciated the re-stump. He said the whole scrib juice thing has happened to him before.  He also admired that I had a follower. I told Uwug that he would have a follower someday. But I actually don’t think that.  Uwug never makes any original declarations on his stump. He only re-stumps. There’s nothing bad with re-stumping. It’s just followers don’t flock to the re-stumpers.

I asked Uwug if he would take his stump off of mine.  He picked up his stump and rolled it a few feet away.  With my stump free, I stood on top and yelled out, “Mep’s wall has selfie.”